Crazy Like a Fox

December 17, 2011

I am cracking myself up! The uploader that is supposed to be moving all of my posts from Blogger to Tumblr is being mean to me so I’m going through and reposting the ones I want one by one. I’ve been doing that for almost two full weeks. How’s that for determination, bitch?

Back to cracking myself up - obviously I’m reading these posts as I copy and paste over and over and over and over again. And dude, I’m fucking funny!

That’s all, I just think I’m funny. And at 3:30am, who wouldn’t think I’m funny?

3:28am | URL: http://tmblr.co/Zb2nSwDNEgSU

December 12, 2011

Just Wondering

Would it be odd if I was the one to petition a court for Aidan’s emancipation when he’s 15?

8:45pm | URL: http://tmblr.co/Zb2nSwDBJn6X

December 4, 2011

"If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty, bitch."

7:14pm | URL: http://tmblr.co/Zb2nSwCp_R0R

November 23, 2011

Secrets To Hosting Thanksgiving Dinner

You might think a girl who was hosting Thanksgiving dinner for eleven in 17 hours with not a pie, casserole, or pan of rolls prepared would be up late getting on that but if that girl is me, well, you’d be dead wrong. My house is a wreck, the laundry is piled up, a quarter of the dishes in the whole kitchen are dirty but I needed a new mix cd so I chose to get on that. And now here I sit blasting my new tunes in my ears and blogging, still not getting anything done. Except for blogging.

12:00am | URL: http://tmblr.co/Zb2nSwCpSscr

Filed under: PMB - The Old Days

November 15, 2011

Who Trains Wal-Mart Cashiers

Dear Idiot Wal-Mart Cashier,

Something to keep in mind if I come through your check out line next time. Cut the small talk, mkay? For real, I won’t be offended if we just complete this process without polite, or in this case – impolite, conversation.

You asked the question, Do you have kids?

And I replied - What tipped you off – the dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and Danimals or the fucking preschooler in the cart? Um, yes, yes I do have children.

12:00am | URL: http://tmblr.co/Zb2nSwCpV3dU

Filed under: PMB - The Old Days

November 14, 2011

That’s Gross

We have a small Jack Vettriano print in our kitchen. This one, in fact…

My nephew Jayden looked at it this weekend and said Aunt Amanda, is that real?

Me - What? The picture?

Jayden - Yeah. Those people *scrunched up nose* kissing.

Me - Well, it’s just a painting.

Jayden - So that’s not you and Uncle X?

Me - No, it’s not us.

Jayden - Oh good cuz that’s really pretty gross.

12:00am | URL: http://tmblr.co/Zb2nSwCpVO0I

Filed under: PMB - The Old Days

November 13, 2011

Skinny Bitch and I were smack talking the other day about how incredibly unfair it is that some people get to be Trump-style rich, Skinny Bitch skinny, Heidi Klum beautiful, Tina Fey funny and *insert famous genius* smart.

12:00am | URL: http://tmblr.co/Zb2nSwCpVe8n

Filed under: PMB - The Old Days

November 10, 2011

Phobia Runs In The Family

I think I’ve written before about my odd phobias. Balloons - the rubber ones - China, Oprah Winfrey, trees growing out of water… There are a few. My mother can’t really talk about the vastness of the universe without at some point putting her hands over her ears and humming so as to drown out the taunting from her beloved daughters, Kid Sister and myself. We’re truly a blessing in her life, I tell ya.

12:00am | URL: http://tmblr.co/Zb2nSwCpVqJd

Filed under: PMB - The Old Days

November 8, 2011

Me and the Three SB’s

Me, the Sexy Beast, Skinny Bitch and Skinny Bastard ran the Beer & Bagel 4 Mile Trail Run this past Suday.

12:00am | URL: http://tmblr.co/Zb2nSwCpW2g8

Filed under: Run Forrest run PMB - The Old Days

November 7, 2011

I might die. No, I think it’s entirely possible. In 3 days I will be running my first 5K.